Mega Genius Intelligence Briefing No. 16

Mega Genius^® Intelligence Briefing:

The Intelligent Solution to Problems

Would you like to read and understand 15 million words -- the equivalent of more than 200 books -- in just five seconds?

If so, read on.

Jonathan Winters, the Emmy-winning comedian, is one of my longtime and dear friends, and the funniest person I've ever known. Jack Par once proclaimed, "Pound for pound, he's the funniest man on earth." In 1999 he won the Mark Twain Prize from the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. Someone once spotted him on the street and told him, "I haven't seen you on television lately." Jonathan replied, "I've never seen you on television."

When Jonathan Winters is asked for his autograph, he replies, "They're two for a quarter."

Problems are even cheaper than that.

In 1948 Dinah Shore recorded a song written in 1927 by B. G. DeSylva, Lew Brown and Ray Henderson entitled "The Best Things in Life are Free." Does that include problems? Apparently so, because some intriguing facts about problems are that they don't cost a cent, are abundant -- and everyone unquestionably loves having problems.

If you doubt that, just solve every problem that another person has and then watch how quickly he becomes unhappy when he discovers he is problemless. You will have to attempt it covertly though, since if he realizes what you are doing you probably won't be able to drag his very last problem away from him with an M-1A1 Abrams heavy battle tank. And if you should somehow succeed, he will scowl and immediately begin creating more problems for himself before you can say, "Now don't you feel better?"

People often fail to realize that others want and need problems. That's one of the reasons people create so many problems for themselves.

Have you ever seen an excessively helpful parent continually trying to solve all his or her child's problems? Usually the parent is still at it well after the child has become an adult. It's an exercise in futility. The grownup child endlessly creates more problems for himself and seems to never learn. One would think he doesn't even appreciate his parent's efforts.

The parent, however, has never learned this important fact: Not only can people easily create problems for themselves, but, despite their complaining, they must create problems in order to be happy.

People love having a variety of problems.

Nevertheless, people often complain about having too many. But don't you believe it! Anyone who thinks he has too many problems actually has too few.

If that's difficult to believe, here's the proof. Just take any person who can't seem to manage all his normal problems. Now ignore his complaints and suddenly load him up with a dozen oppressively magnanimous problems. Now watch how quickly he solves his normally unsolvable problems effortlessly.

You see, he actually had too few.

In essence, everyone spends his entire life continuously trying to maintain precisely the "right" number and magnitude of problems.

Neither any of the self-proclaimed intelligentsia nor any of the so called "authorities of the human mind" has ever advised man how to easily maintain the right number of problems. The self-help experts have been too bogged down in their own problems to see the light.

So, from beyond the top of the IQ scale, I'll share with you now the secret of how to intelligently solve problems.

I have known the recently retired Pauline (Friedman) Phillips, called "Popo" by her friends, for 35 years. She is the founder of "Dear Abby," an advice column she penned for some 45 years. It was read daily by 95 million people in more than 1,200 newspapers.

Her twin sister Esther (Friedman) Lederer, called "Eppie" by her friends, passed away in June 2002. She wrote a similar advice column under the pen name Ann Landers, read by 90 million people in another 1,200 newspapers.

Although Abby and Ann faced personal problems of their own (again, everyone loves problems), and frequently received atrocious advice from so called mental health authorities on whom they relied for expertise, most of the sisters' advice was down to earth, workable common sense. Through their witty writings, they became the most popular advice columnists of the twentieth century.

When Abby and Ann spoke, 195 million people listened.

Almost every person who wrote to either of them had a problem and sought a solution. Although few of Abby's and Ann's readers ever realized it, for nearly half a century almost every reader who sought help from either of the sisters received the same advice: Communicate.

The twin sisters told their readers to "inform your folks," "ask him if he minds," "let her know how you feel," "tell him what you told me," "see if she thinks it's a good idea," and "call him today." Interspersed with such originations as "you have a geranium in your cranium" and "wake up and smell the coffee," the essence of their columns was simply the advice to communicate.

Communication is the act of sending something from one place to another and ensuring that precisely what is intended to be sent is exactly what arrives.

There are numerous forms of communication. Nevertheless, to the degree that any attempt to communicate differs from that definition, communication is not occurring.

If communication resolves problems, does a lack of communication create them? You bet!

No one on earth has more problems than the characters of television soap operas. Viewers find those problems fascinating, since everyone loves problems. Of course everyone hates having what seems like too many problems, but, since the multitudinous problems on soap operas all belong to other people, the characters' tribulations don't actually impinge adversely on the viewers' lives.

We all know that the characters' lives in soap operas are tragic, but did you ever notice why?

Constance doesn't want it known that she had a child out of wedlock; Cory won't tell his mother that he and Tammy eloped; Darius isn't revealing that he has a fatal disease; Jarrod found out who his real mother is, but isn't letting on; Rona saw the revelation in her father's will, but is keeping mum about it.

Secrets! Secrets! Secrets!

Everybody in the soaps knows more than they should about everyone else's business, but nobody is discussing the points that really matter with those whom they should. Of course, if the characters did, their problems would all resolve shortly and then the unmesmerized viewers would have no reason to watch. Sponsors couldn't sell their "new and improved" detergents and we would probably all be left with a dozen more infomercials.

So, if you would like to read and understand 15 million words in just five seconds, read this next sentence.

All problems are maintained through refusal or inability to communicate and are resolved through communication.

That is precisely what Dear Abby and Ann Landers spent 50 years and 15 million words trying to communicate to hundreds of millions of people and is the best advice you will ever receive about solving problems.

Again, however, for communication to actually occur, exactly what is intended to be sent must be precisely what is received -- no more, no less, and no misunderstanding. Otherwise, Rock Stone tells Pure Snow that he loves her and she thinks that he said he loathes her. A miscommunication has occurred. Her heart is broken, but she feels it is best to keep that a secret.

And just that quickly we have the beginning of another soap opera.

Mega Genius^®

16 November 2002

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